Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Worst...service...ever

A Tale...for two or three sittings?



There once was consumer called Angela.

Angela lived in a house that needed a major fixaroo.

And Angela was also pregnant.

One day, Angela had an idea.




And so Angela said to her husband, Haki, "I have an idea. While we fix up our house, we should live with your mum. One way we can thank her for our lodging, is to get rid of her silly, silly dial-up connection, and get super duper broadband instead!"

Haki thought that was a good idea too.

Haki definitely would not live anywhere there was not super duper broadband, as super duper broadband is where he got his powers. Haki recharged his powers by reading gaming forums, playing Scramble, and changing his Facebook status.



Meanwhile, over at Mum's, dial-up was being very, very silly indeed.

Mum liked to play on Trademe. But sadly, her silly, silly dial-up, and virus-infested computer was saying that playing on Trademe was an illegal operation.

Mum did not really understand computers much.

But she did like Trademe.

This was very annoying to Mum.



Angela and Haki told Mum about "their" great idea.

Mum liked the idea too. She was missing Trademe very much.

Angela wanted to be sure to go with the Internet Service Provider that would be the best value for money.





Angela and Haki had been using Telecom. Telecom had been reliable and problem-free, even if they were a tad expensive.

Mum had been using ihug. ihug has been unreliable and problematic, but they were a good price.

Monday 2 February

Angela and Mum called Telecom and ihug and asked both companies to tell them why they should choose them. Getting super duper broadband with ihug seemed to be the easiest and cheapest option, even if they had to wait 35 minutes to speak with someone.

Because Mum did not understand computers much, or like phone queues, she asked the lady at ihug to authorise Angela to talk about the change to super duper broadband.

The lady said that would be okay. Angela made all the arrangements, and the ihug lady said that Haki would be recharging and Mum playing on Trademe in 3-5 days.

Wednesday 4 February

The modem arrived! Angela set it up, and checked to see if the trio had super duper broadband yet.

No, there was no super duper broadband.

Angela conceded, "That's okay, it's only been a few days!"

Angela decided to call ihug - just to see when they would be connected.

After 20 minutes of waiting, someone at ihug answered.

The ihug person said the trio would have super duper broadband on Monday.

Monday 9 February

On Monday there was no connection. Angela called ihug, and had been waiting in the phone queue for 20 minutes when a broadband technician knocked on the door! Angela hung up.

The technician asked to come in, and looked at the lights on the modem. The technician said Angela, Haki and Mum should now have super duper broadband, and they should call ihug to ask why they were not connected.

Angela called ihug again. After 20 minutes, a man answered and said that the trio should have super duper broadband, and he could not see why they did not! He said he would escalate a request for the connection to be seen to, and that normally it would be fixed in 24 hours, but he would make it happen by the end of the day. The man also said that ihug subcontracted its technical work to Telecom. Even though the man tried to be helpful, Angela decided "duper" did not belong in ihug's broadband's name.

In the afternoon, Angela used the silly, silly dial-up to check her email.
Angela got a message from ihug saying they were now connected to super broadband!
Angela tried to browse the internet at super speed, but found the message was a lie.

Angela called ihug to see if maybe she should trouble-shoot on her end, but after waiting for some time, the ihug lady who answered said she would not speak to Angela, because Angela was not authorised to discuss the account.

After Mum had given permission for Angela to talk to ihug again, the ihug lady put Angela back on hold for quite a long time.

Angela decided ihug's broadband was not "super" either.

After about 25 minutes, an ihug man then told Angela to change some settings in her Internet Explorer browser. Angela was confused because the man had not asked for her name or any security questions. Angela told the man she used Firefox, but that she would do what the man said anyway. The ihug man said broadband should be working.

It wasn't.

The man had not waited to see if broadband was working, he had just said "good-bye".

Angela called ihug again. A lady told Angela that her service should be working. She got Angela to re-boot her modem, change her password, change the filter on the phone line, and delete her silly, silly dial-up connection.

Then the ihug lady said she was going to check something else. "Aha!" she cried, "Although your service appears to be activated, there is one last stage after 'Activation' that is yet to happen! This will take place sometime tonight, and you will have broadband tomorrow, at the latest".

Haki and Mum were not impressed.

Haki becomes grouchy when his powers wane, and Mum was sure she had lost an auction for a very nice jacket on Trademe.

The trio had no internet connection at all.

Tuesday 10 February

Angela woke up, and thought there was nothing she would rather do than join an ihug phone queue.

Well, not really.

But sure enough, there was no broadband, and so Angela called ihug.

A man answered after 8 minutes, and asked Angela to change her DNS settings, shut down her computer, and wait on hold. Angela had been on the phone 22 minutes when the ihug man suggested they try turning off some proxy settings. Then he said to turn them on. ihug man sees Monday's ihug lady changed the password. He said she should not have done this for Angela, as Angela is not the account holder. ihug man explains he has lodged a fault with the trio's connection, and that Angela must leave dial-up off, the modem on, and wait for a call in the next 24 hours from a technician.

Haki wanted Angela to quit now, and switch to Telecom.
Angela wanted to see if ihug will credit the trio's account for all this hassle.
Mum wanted her jacket off Trademe.

Wednesday 11 February


Angela called ihug. She only had to wait 5 minutes to speak with someone. The lady that answered said the fault had been identified as a weak connection, and the technician would be there soon. Angela said the technician better come, or she would be switching to Telecom. The ihug lady offered the first month of the trio's broadband for free, and said that Angela could connect dial-up for an hour or so, so long as she reconnected the modem in time for the technician's visit.

Angela and Mum got a quick fix with silly, silly dial-up.
Mum missed out on the jacket.

Angela waited until it was hours past the 24-hour promise-time, and called ihug. The ihug lady said she did not understand why the technician had not come, and that she was sending an email to get an explanation of the fault. Perhaps the technician was just running late?

Four hours later, there was still no broadband.

Haki said, "Go with Telecom."

Angela called ihug again. An ihug man said he could see a fault was logged, and that he has escalated the problem to the technicians and the management team. He told Angela to re-boot the modem again, change her WAN settings, check her PPP time, and wait - the trio should have broadband by 7pm at the latest. He put Angela on hold and told her the technicians promised him this personally.

At 8:30pm Angela called ihug. After 21 minutes, an ihug man with an accent answered. Accented ihug man said a 24-hour promise should never have been made - that the technicians take 1-2 days. Then he said that dial-up could be used during the wait, as long as the trio supplied their own extra ADSL cable and left the modem connected too. He apologised that "new people" in Auckland did not know what they were talking about, and that he could see a month's credit had been applied already, and that he would look into other ways to credit the account once connected.

Haki repeated, "Go with Telecom."

Thursday 12 February


A female technician called and left a message at the trio's house. She asked Mum to call and confirm she wanted to have ihug as her Internet Service Provider, as it appears the house has Telecom's Xtra Jetstream connected.

Angela returned ihug's call, and asked to speak to a technician. The technician told Angela she should speak with customer support, as customer support deal with problems like leaving Xtra. Angela begged the man not to switch her to another queue, and asked for him to look at her account more closely. The ihug man put Angela on hold.

The ihug man came back and said that the trio's address has Xtra broadband. He said maybe it had been connected by mistake. The man thanked Angela for confirming the trio wanted to switch to ihug, and he would let the technical team know. He said they would respond within 4 business hours - either later today, or early tomorrow.

Angela declared, "No thanks, I think we'll go with Telecom. Put that in your notes!"

Angela called Telecom and her call was answered immediately. The Telecom lady called Mum and confirmed the switch from ihug, and then set up the connection with Angela. Plus, she credited the disconnection fee from Angela and Haki's house.

The Telecom lady said Telecom's broadband was super duper, and that although she could make no guarantees, she had set a target of Sunday at 10:00am.

Sunday 15 February

Angela checked after church, and Telecom's broadband was connected.

She decided it was super duper.

Haki decided he was super duper.







Haki recharged his powers.
Mum looked for more jackets.
And Angela realised she got some of her powers from reading emails, writing blog posts, and accessing Wikipedia.

And so the trio lived, with their super duper Telecom broadband, phone-queue-free, and wiser, happily ever after.







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