Friday, May 29, 2009

Gratitude and the best decision I ever made

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for so many things right now.

I'm grateful for living in a time when complications during delivery have solutions.

I'm grateful for having a midwife who calmly executed those solutions. I'm grateful for every visit she makes, and the calming affect it has on my day.

I'm grateful for the home we have, and the people who have helped us to have this safe haven.

I'm grateful for the incredible friends and family in my life. I'm grateful to those who listened when I said nappies really are the best gift. I'm grateful for Amee going and buying me a bra when my hiders went continental; for doing dishes while Haki slept; and bringing lunch. I'm grateful for Paula putting together a care package that confirms I disclose way, waaaay too much personal information on the internet (I'm telling you, the woman knew all of my favourite things!). I'm grateful for the heavenly food Kate delivered. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law being very considerate of my need to rest, and being there in a heartbeat once requested (with dinner!). I'm grateful for my sisters, and their willingness to listen. I'm grateful for the clothes and baby things I've been given (shout out to you Fionna!). I'm grateful for my exceptional mother, and her concern. I'm grateful for Ana forgiving me when she surprise-visited, all sincere and generous, to find a slumbering dragon in my place (I don't like surprise visits much just yet). I'm grateful to anyone who doesn't call when I'm napping. Napping is sacred time. If you've wanted to call, and thought, "No, maybe she's sleeping"...and refrained, I'm grateful for you. You're awesome. Thanks. I love sleep. I'm sorry if you've done something wonderful, and you don't feature here...I got on the sleep thing...and now I'm struggling to think of anything else.

/Shaking head to re-focus

I'm grateful for having a baby so beautiful my pride is sinful. I'm grateful for the coos she makes in her sleep. I'm grateful for the way she studies my face when alert. I'm grateful I didn't ruin her by having a kitten...painting a house...and eating raw-egged cookie dough when I was pregnant. I'm grateful for her head of hair hiding her fontanelle so that Haki does not find its pulsing alien. I'm grateful for the way her left little toe is crossed over its neighbour. I'm grateful for her chubby cheeks. I will stop with the baby infatuation now...else Sherry will "Mark [me] as read" forever more.

But above all, I'm grateful for the best decision I ever made; that is marrying well. Haki has been incredible. Not only was he soothing and supportive during labour, he has shone each day since. He is better than any nurse. He not only waits on me, he anticipates my needs - as I sit to feed, he appears with my drink bottle; as I emerge from the bedroom, my full cereal bowl is waiting in an outstretched hand. If I move suddenly in the night, he whispers his concern. We detect Baby E needs changed; "I'd love to do it" is my dear husband's response. He has more than once asked, "Can I do something more for you?" He has even massaged my feet. Well...foot (perhaps he's saving the other for later?). I'm grateful to find my freshly-washed socks in unusual drawers (he's never put them away before). And maybe the hormones are helping (they can do some good, apparently)...but I've never loved him with a greater intensity! I feel like I'm going to burst with it when I look at him. He listens so well. He cares to know my smallest thought. He rubs my back when I lean forward. He helps me get up when I'm stuck. He gazes at his babe so lovingly. We laugh so much.

With all this to be grateful for, I think it's important to acknowledge baby O-Week is still hard yakka. My heart goes out to those who don't have a Haki...an Amee...a sister. I cannot imagine juggling it all without these blessings. The switching back between polarised emotions such as, Euphoria = "My life couldn't be better than this" to, Swamped = "Wow, I have so much to learn" is enough to grapple with, with support.

P.S. The "baby blues" = ridiculous. RiDICulous I tell you. I thought I would never be able to get out of pyjamas and exit my home...ever...ever...again. We went to the grocery store the next day, not in pyjamas.
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