Monday, June 22, 2009

My Greatest Assets

No, not my hiders!

It is my feet I speak of.

They are beautiful.

I think I could be paid for their beauty. Not in a pimped out, filthy way, but in a, "Hey, check out those socks on those amazing feet. I want to buy those socks so my feet can look that hot" sort of way.

One of the saddest things about my feet, and their that Haki just doesn't see it. He has some sort of deranged concept of beauty when it comes to this particular body part.

As a result, I've been seeking back-up for some time now. I'm still clinging to a compliment I received from a sprinter my first summer in Otago...8 years ago...when he said he'd do anything to have my feet - what with their high arches 'n' all. I quote him regularly. It's recently occurred to me a male coveting a female's feet probably isn't the greatest evidence of their beauty.

So I've been throwing out a wider net. Flashback to just after Baby E was born. Picture me on a hospital bed, and a ward midwife scrunching up super-sexy circulation-promoting tights, and pulling one side up over my toes, shin and calf (they were worried about clots at one point.) As she moved to do my other leg, I seized the opportunity; "I'm surprised you're not distracted by the beauty of my feet".

She responded with silence.


Haki lept in, apologetically (after an awkward laugh), "And she's not even on the gas now".

So much for back-up - from either of them.

When Haki isn't avoiding leaping to my aid in such situations, he is actively attacking my greatest assets. He calls them "hands". Just because I can pick things up with them (who can't?). Just because I can ball them into fists. Just because he asked me to demonstrate this ability once, and got me to place it up opposite his own fist (as though enacting a homey-geeeee greeting). Just because he got a photo of it. Just because people who see it say, "That's a foot?"

I mean, so what?

High-arch feet-curling envy, I say.

P.S. Trust me, I'd share the photo, but it's saved on Haki's phone in the "Saved to Phone" folder, and it won't let me get it out. It's rude really. Feel free to ask Haki to show you. He gladly will. Also, feel free to ask me to strip my socks off. I gladly will. Just try to contain your foot lust.
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