I believe "forgetting yourself and going to work" is very different from "forgetting your family and going to work". I've always found it easy to mentally review my day and think, "Yes, I'm prepared to sacrifice that thing I was going to do for me." But now, saying, "Yes" to someone often means committing to sacrifice service to another person - like your spouse, or child.I am not saying that I don't have time to serve others, or that I won't make time for service that counts.
But if spending a day, for example, baking cookies for another family, organising another adult's finances for them, running a "busy person's errands" because he/she professes lack of time, agreeing to produce spreadsheets and designs for free means that your own family doesn't get dinner until 9pm, your own child is longing for engagement, and you have no clean underwear washed...
then something isn't right.
So here am I - typing between sneezes, sniffles, and phleghm-hoicks - hoping this entry will remind me, should I ever again find myself becoming ensnared as a "slave to the word 'yes'" instead of a servant to my fellowman (different things, I think), I may remember;
I can say "no".
Even if the person asking thinks, "How rude! I thought she was kinder than that," or, "What's happened to all the true Christians out there?"- I must remember to think inside, "Well, you were too late in the line, partner - I don't always say 'no', so if you're hearing it, it's because I really, really need to sleep." (And sometimes quietly - but I haven't blogged in more than a week! Bahahaha.)
I must forget to aspire to being a "Yes-woman" - because if too many people ask, it's impossible to follow-through on that answer. Instead, I must try to be a wife and mother first, and an additional service-person second.
Yet even as I move the mouse to publish, I'm thinking, "But this makes me a bad person! I hate the thought of someone saying 'I need help', and me claiming I'm unavailable!" Oh, the trickiness of identifying the difference between genuine need and someone taking advantage of a retiring "Yes-woman". /sigh
I am very fortunate to have a husband that will frequently remind me of the quest to be on-kilter. Love you, honey.
I welcome others' thoughts.
2 comments:
I do not think that saying "no" makes you a bad person. I think you are a very good person. I often WISH that there were more I could do for other people, but people rarely ask me for help with anything. I'd love to tend somebody's kid(s) so they can run errands in peace. I'd love to take dinner to somebody. I'd love to sub in Primary. Or a gazillion other things. Maybe some things I just lack the skill to do, and that is why people don't ask me, (e.g. fix a car or design a web page). But I also feel like people aren't comfortable enough to ask a favor of me, and that makes me sad. Am I not approachable? I think the fact that people ask you is representative of the kind of charitable person that you are. Also maybe that you are a pushover. :)
I say 'amen' to that. Due to a recent incident that happened (not to me personally, but still close to home) this topic has the potential to set me off, so I will leave it at that. I agree!
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