Wednesday, July 28, 2010

To shake [in] one's boots

This morning, as I made Haki two sandwiches for lunch (here I will pause for effect and praise about my domesticity.../ahem), as I was saying, while I was a-fixing the man some food, the man was giving his boots a good beating.

Boot-beating; a necessary ritual. You see, Haki keeps his boots outside our front door. Outside. In the out-of-doors. Where the spiders are. And therefore, he shakes, knocks together, fist-pounds and wall-taps his boots before donning them. Meanwhile, I quietly snicker as I spread relish across his bread. My poor little arachnophobe.

Satisified the boots are sanctified, Haki takes a seat at the kitchen table and pulls on boot number one. I spread relish. That is, until I hear a yelp.

I turn from my task to see Haki leaning back in his chair, pointing a finger at boot two, he explains the yelping thus, "There's something in there. Something big."

I return to making the sandwiches. I'm fairly certain Haki's toe tickled a shoelace inside his boot. Or maybe a small stone.

Haki is persistent. He shakes the boot some more. I stop and turn to watch what I believe, at worst, will be a slater or tiny critter tumble from his footwear.

Instead, a gecko slaps onto the wooden floor. Sans tail.

Yelp number two. Same source.

I move towards the poor creature, while Haki retreats to the apparent safety of the kitchen corner, belting out instructions to the effect of, "Get it out of here." Well, I don't remember the actual retreating part, as it seems he just appeared there, it was so fast.

Haki sees Esky still in "harm's way" and scoops her up (he later confesses his guilt that he had only thought for his own safety, whilst I probed, "What exactly was the gecko gonna do to our little girl? Ah, the gecko was in more danger. She probably would have tried to eat him."). Back to the kitchen. And the situation... Attempting to melt into the cabinetry, Haki sees me moving for the hallway and barks, "No, don't get the camera, just get it out." I'm still uncertain if his opposition to a picture was an effort to keep this event off of the interwebs, or ensure I did not leave him alone in the kitchen with "something big".

Skipping the camera's retrieval, I scoop up Mr gEko (that's for the Lost fans out there) on a piece of card and place him in our garden. I return to the kitchen. Haki picks up guilty boot and shakes it upside-down, "His tail is still in there!" I'm entranced, waiting to see if the tail will come out.

It doesn't.

No tail.

Where was Mr gEko's tail? No matter where Haki looked, he could not find it.

Between you and me, I'm sort of hoping he finds it when he takes them off tonight.

Since no live action footage was acquired, an after-the-fact diagram will have to suffice.

P.S. When I questioned the efficacy of Haki's boot-shaking ritual later on this morning, Haki had two responses, one - "Will you drop it already?" and then after a few heavy breaths, "They have little suction cups on their hands, okay?" To which I silently cry-laughed.
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