Sunday, January 13, 2013

Five Weaknesses at 5:00

Things I am awful at:
  1. Using a knife and fork.  Really.  If something on my plate needs to be in a smaller pieces for consumption, I use the side of my fork to make it so.  If I can't do that, I use my knife...to shred the food, basically. The knife is more of a food holder while I pull apart the food by tugging with my fork.  Unless it's steak or sausages, I can cut things like that.  I can cut, I am just so terribly slow, that tearing is faster.  Pancakes are the best food to show off my tearing technique.  I have never been good at the knife and fork thing though. I use scissors to cut up the girls' food very, very often.  Ask Haki.
  2. All sports with boards upon which you stand.  I didn't stick with any board sport past the "practice makes bruises" stage. 
  3. Sewing.  Many of you know this.  This week, I sewed.  On a sewing machine.  Two things happened:  ONE -- I turned one of Haki's long-sleeved shirts into a short-sleeved shirt, because he had a beach wedding to attend and he didn't want to wear long sleeves, and this is the obvious solution, no?  Said "refashion" (that's in quotes because I cannot justly call it so) featured stitches that clearly had been sewn with the tension on the machine out of whack.  But I considered it a success.  I did it.  I did it without crying in frustration at a jammed up bobbin or a tangled threading path.  If I were bonkers-wealthy, I'd employ a sewing machine-unjammererrrr before I'd hire a maid.  A dose of housework is good for the soul.  Unjamming is good for no one.  Sorry, person I'd pay.  TWO -- When Esky came upon the machine, left-out from the previous night of me moonlighting as a desperate seamstress, she came to me in my bedroom and said, "Mama, there is something unusual in the lounge.  I don't know what it is, but I think you should come and check it out."  She was referring to the machine -- a mysterious metal beast, given my occasional hand-sewing proclivities.  See also: the day Esky learned what an "iron" was, age 2.5 years.  
  4. Cooking Mi Goreng Noodles for the right length of time.  How hard can it be?  Very hard, is how.  Apparently it is impossible for me to watch them for the entire 2 minutes required for their cooking.  The compulsive need to multi-task has foiled many a pot of unhealthy-yet-delicious noodle meals.   I regularly ask Haki to make these for me because they taste better when he makes them.  He obliges and presents them to me with a flourish as though he has brought me some delicacy from Mount Vesuvius.  Smart man. Talented man.
  5. Locking my iPhone screen before I put it in my bag or pocket.  I always leave my phone to auto-lock itself...and sometimes, it doesn't.  It calls people.  Like a sentient being, I swear.  Sorry to everyone who has learned first-hand I am a bit of a nana.
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