Here are some of my favourites (you'll have to add your own guffaws):
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
- I changed my iPhone name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Also a while back, my mother sent me a forward. Wait, that was yesterday. And every other day before that. (Seriously, Mom, you're not meant to do that). But one she sent me a while back was a keeper. It was filled with paraprosdokians (figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected). Now saying it was a keeper, was not to say it was good.
While I like me a good pun, paraprosdokians I do not like much at all. They are the overused currency of one too many bank managers, school principals, CEO's and Hollywood films. I've winced and smiled through many a paraprosdokian as a PA, teacher and audience member. How do you feel about them? Even the ones that are bordering on good are a little wince-worthy;
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.