My four-year-long love affair with The Lighthouse is drawing to a close; we are farewelling tractor-town and setting up camp in central city. And we will keep writing our family story happily there. My mind knows this, and when I'm standing in our new place, projecting specters of ourselves doing our-family things all around me, my heart believes it.
I will always look back on our time at the Lighthouse with fondness. The dull aching I feel when I picture us there will fade. Warm memories will be all that remain.
The four-week-long illness we had multiplied by five was just a bonus.
And I haven't even included the box'n'taping, cleaning, and piano-lifting in that list.
I loath packing and moving. Some might guess I would thrill at the organisation opportunities abounding in such an undertaking. Quite the opposite. I like the drawer dividers I have designed here. I like how I have organised the space and systems. I do not see moving as a chance to sort and clear out. I do that regularly. I see it as an unravelling of a world I have curated for years, that I must rebuild. I squirm and cringe when any part of the moving process is rushed. I agonise over getting things just right at the new place. I am happy to reduce what we own, but labour over whom I should give each item. I know I will enjoy nesting. But before the nesting comes so much. So many small decisions I take too long on. You should see the floor layouts I've drawn in an old math book.
But this is right. And I am doing my best to manage my emotions, and help the girls feel excited rather than anxious about this change. And I think it's working.
I'll miss the half acre -- with all that space to run and explore.
I'll miss the garden -- adorned in blooms, dressed with tyre swings...
...and frequented by birds. (Among other things. Ahem.)
I'll also miss Lucius.
Who cannot come with us, and for whom Esky wept on Haki's shoulder for as the feline left with his new owner.
But the people are what matters. And they are all coming.
My heart is full.
Plums or no plums.
Home is where your people are.