Sunday, June 7, 2015

A Dating Book

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13644154-unsteady-dating
Unsteady Dating: Resisting the Rush to Romance, JeaNette G. Smith
Wait Ange, you're reading a dating book?  Isn't that a way off?  Or very much over?
Errr...yes.  Dating for my girls is a way off, and no, dating for me is not over -- although the unsteady kind thankfully is  /wiping brow.  Now I only date someone I love, we are always honest about what we want to do, and there is never any discomfort when it comes to deciding who pays.  Plus, I don't have to flick his ear if he makes a play afterwards.  It is an excellent arrangement, marriage.

I was recommended this book by a friend I admire, and she kindly lent me a copy (although I will purchase my own).  I don't think it is too soon for me to think about, at all!  I want to know how I am going to answer questions about intimacy with my children, from the start, and I knew that this book had helped my friend come up with a model for guiding progression through the stages of intimacy.  I am also conscious of the fact that communities and media are not going to wait to transmit messages about intimacy to my kids -- these are going to be embedded in all they consume long before they reach dating age, and I want to better equip them to interpret those messages.

So.  How did it stack up?  Well, with one giant disclaimer:  I think this book only reads well for a conservative, LDS audience.  It's peppered with Mormon terms and church culture references, and although much of the research is neutral, many big hitter quotations are from church authorities -- carving this book a tight and small niche audience.  I name the conservative contingent, because even within LDS circles who understand all of the church content, I am sure some will find Chapter 12 waves the stereotype wand too freely -- I know I did.

Otherwise: I think the book is an excellent starting point for discussion in homes, and I think teenagers, parents and leaders alike would benefit from opening a dialogue with this as a catalyst.
  • I loved the allusions;
  • Was impressed with her current language and examples (even these also often lean towards the extreme);
  • Enjoyed the frankness without it becoming vulgar; and
  • Found the format very easy to process.



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